The life I chose to live
I think I came to Gokarna three years ago, though I can not recall the exact date. I am from Uttar Pradesh, India, and never have gone outside the state so it was my first journey far away from my native. Actually, I had to make some money in order to support my family. Poverty blocked my education so I could not be able to study more than 9th standard. Though I can read and write well.
When I came to Gokarna, honestly, I did not like it here. Far from home, far from family and friends. The initial days were really harsh. I thought of going back home, however, I had to drop that idea. After my father was diagnosed with some disease, the responsibility of my family fell on my shoulder. We had very little savings which we spent on my father’s treatment. Eventually, the situation was going out of control so I had to step up
.
One day a friend of mine told me about Gokarna and suggested coming to Gokarna as he was working there. He assured me of a good pay. Therefore, I booked the ticket and hopped on the train with thousands of emotions and thoughts but most of them were evil. I was afraid to be honest.
In my life, I had never seen a sea in my life before coming, yes I did but only in the movies. This sea is the reason why I decided to sit back and struggle to earn some money.
Now my earning comes from selling ice creams on the seashore. As you might know, Gokarna is not a crowded place despite being a tourist spot. But my monthly earnings are fine out here, at least good enough to support my family.
Honestly speaking, I have never been a dreamer. In my childhood days, I was an introverted kid who always loved to cage himself with self-thoughts and still I am the same. My favorite pastime used to be sticking around nature, feeling nature and maintaining a distance from crowds.
My social life here is limited with few friends here but nature being my best companion I do not seek others support much.
Every day after finishing my job, I like to give myself some time, sit on the shore, and enjoy the stunning sunset. Barely my soul gets bored of the sunset. Sitting quietly and feeling the ambiance around me gives me immense joy. The serenity of the silence and the dimmed sunlight lift my heart. All my pain and struggle fade away thus I feel very light in my heart, just like a feather of a bird. I feel the sea soaking up all of them leaving nothing for me.
When the sun goes down, I make my way to my room throwing all the evil thoughts I have, in the endless sea.
Honestly speaking, my dreams are a handful and demands too hence I find my life very peaceful. I do not have a lust for money or luxury. Rather I would love to enjoy my life however it is and be happy. My concern has always been my mental peace and serenity, barely caring about anything happening around me. In my opinion, we often do unnecessary things in our lives which do not add any value.. Can we not just focus on ourselves and be happy, I often ask myself. When I see people struggling around me, I just say, “Give some time, everything will be alright”. However, we are always in a hurry, for what? We do not know.
Soon I am planning to visit my family as soon as the pandemic ends. It has been almost three years since we have not met and I hope, when I go back, they will be happy. Perhaps, I can not offer them the good life they deserve and have not fulfilled their demands either. But at least I am trying and wish they could understand what I am going through.
Fabled and captured by: Shubhro Sinha
